Ooh, I’m spilling my secrets this week! Shhh…don’t tell anyone.

1. I wonder if a partner who didn’t know my grandmother could truly understand me – I’m really speaking more about love here, folks, so don’t get worried if you’re a friend who never got to meet my grandmother. I’m also not saying that I intend to have to deal with this – I’m quite happy in my current relationship. But I do wonder, if ever stuck out there in the single dating land again, could I settle down with someone who didn’t know my grandmother? She was everything to me. She was my best friend. She died in 2009 and it still affects me every day. I really wonder if someone could truly get me if they didn’t know her because I am so intricately tied to her. Who knows? And yes, my boyfriend knew my grandmother. 🙂

2. I imagine bad scenarios in my head (i.e., getting kidnapped, having a stalker) – Don’t ask me why. I have no idea why I do this, but I daydream about these kinds of things sometimes. I have standard daydreams too, of course, but occasionally I get really wrapped up in a “scary” daydream. Perhaps it’s because I usually have a savior? Occasionally I save myself, so maybe it’s the be-your-own-hero effect? I always get out of the situation, regardless.

3. I feel bad about my body, then eat poorly – Just last Sunday, I felt bad about my weight, then had pizza rolls and brownies for dinner. As I mentioned in an earlier post about food, I struggle with portion control and dieting. I’m actually having a dietary consultation on Friday, so hopefully that will help. I struggle with wanting to look better and feel better and wanting to eat whatever I want like other people.

4. I think alcohol is worse than marijuana – Here’s another secret – I’ve tried both. As I mentioned in an earlier post about my sensitive stomach, I think I’m becoming allergic to alcohol, so it would make sense that I prefer marijuana as alcohol reacts badly with me. Overall, though, I still prefer marijuana. It seems like alcohol turns people into complete fools. Marijuana just makes you chill.

5. I used to feel like rapists deserve to be raped, but I don’t anymore – I used to completely feel this way. Rape is such a horrifying thing and something I feel very strongly about. Once I watched Descent, however, my opinion on eye-for-an-eye rape revenge changed. Descent is a beautiful and graphic movie that clearly depicts the story of a rape victim and how she gets revenge by having a new friend rape the rapist. In the final scene, her friend asks her if she feels better, and she says no. Rosario Dawson plays the lead and does an amazing job, per usual. The movie really made me think – violence shouldn’t breed more violence because then nothing changes. Vengeance may be justified, sure, but that’s not the way to healing.

What are your deep, dark secrets? I promise I won’t tell. 🙂