I hate hornets. HATE. I have an immense irrational fear of wasps and hornets, and I do mean immense. I will do whatever it takes to get away from one. I never run as fast as I do when I see a hornet. And of course, hornets LOVE my house. Three more months and then I don’t have to deal with them anymore, but until then, things like this happen…

I go to open the door to move my car into the driveway and there is a hornet BETWEEN MY DOOR AND THE SCREEN DOOR.


Boyfriend: What???

Me: Hornet! BETWEEN THE SCREEN DOOR AND THE DOOR!!! [many expletives]

Boyfriend: Ah. Still have that spray? I’ll go spray the nest.

Five minutes of useless searching for nest go by while I shout unhelpful hints from the safety of the family room window…

Me: They’re evil. Pure evil. If you look in the dictionary, do you know what the definition of hornets is? Evil.

Boyfriend: Is that so?

Boyfriend gets dictionary.

Boyfriend: Here’s the definition of hornet.

Dictionary: Evil (adj.) – 1. morally wrong or bad, immoral, wicked; 2. hurtful, injurious

Uh huh. We also crossed out the definition of hornet and replaced it with: EVIL.